health & ex husband

Its odd enough being divorced for a quarter century and feel like a conversation with a former spouse can pick up like we spoke only yesterday. But each conversation seems to fizzle without details, followthrough and genuine support-andthis is what killed the marriage.' Although he was kind enough to send me to Bikur cholim since our kids find older folks being sick something icky and they dont want to be around, neither bikur cholim or the jewish family services could come up with anything other than offering a home aide for about $18 per hour, 4 hr minimum. I live in 2 rooms, with two skittish cats. Bringing in a stranger for 4 hours-I dont have enough linens to change the bed every day, the laundry rm in basement doesnt work, I handwash and dont expect a stranger to do that, in a nutshell, except under severe duress I do not want a stranger sitting here in my space for 4 hours a day with little to do except watch TV. While I pay for it. I have been so sick, finally gave in after waking from a late morning deep sleep and my rib cage was so tender somethin felt very wrong. Quietly packed insurance papers, keys called a taxi and went to ER where in 5 minutes the doctor diagnosed severe pnuemonia in left lung. Since i wrote the Rebbe twice askng for a brachs for the surgeon, the surgery and all five children of mine, I've been weaker, sicker and its so bad it reeks through my skin-I can smell my own interrnal sickness. The doctor gave me a list of area ortho surgeons and sugested a 2nd opnion at least. I'm on strong antibiotics for 10 days, followup xray 6-8 weeks from today an that means postponing surgery again (I think cancelling with current doctor) My eyes are crossing from exhaustion, I bid you adeui.