a medical conundrum

So I moved, and its like Alice fell down the rabbit hole and everything seems a world of opposites from the medical world in NY. There hasn't been singing flowers but the doctors certainly sing a different tune, out of both sides of their mouths. Had a primary care appt this morning, which was originally going to be for medical clearance for hip surgery but since surgery is postponed due to pnuemonia, it was basically to get med refills and to catch up since I saw him last...which was at least 6 wks ago, alots happened, doctors he referred me to have been fired. Once again I'm told fibromyalgia doesnt exist, its a figment millions of people suffer from and its 'nothing more than depression-its a mental disease.' For this theory alone I should find another doctor. The fact that he has a list of my medications and can see I take things specifically for FM and he continues to prescribe refills a requested strikes me as either hypocritical or as long as he can charge the insurance co and get paid, doesnt care. OR, even worse there could be an entire cottage industry, pharmaceutical and doctors who pander to patients with symptoms listed under the FM umbrella while even they aren't sure FM exists as an autoimmune disorder. I said to him, well do you accept Epstein-Barr? For years people were disbelieved, shunned for being lazy from the fatigue etc. "Oh yes, in fact I have Epstein Barr, its a virus, but look I function, work do everything." Uh huh...so if you have it, it exists. Well I functioned too for decades until I literally fell flat on my face with my cane flying at a construction site in front of the college-I had to get whacked upside the head by escorting angels to finally get that I had to get going, and get out. The bald gentleman from next door last asked me if I had done "anything today or just lounged around?" The incredible audacity of some people. I think its jealousy that they have to go out, deal with the world, eat sh*t everyday and I've been given permission to sit down now, a time out for however long...but truly earned and I am not explaining it, or defending disability anymore to anyone, especially strangers. So as I"m going into August meetings with new surgeon, rheumatologist, I saw today that yontif is pretty early with Rosh Hashanah first week September. Maybe we can push surgery back until October, its not that far away. The PC was wanting to suggest another set of doctors he knows for me to settle down with. Told him I was checking around myself. Hopefully I will check into seeing a new PC. He came into the room and launched right away into telling me how bad both hips are as if we had never discussed it and when I explained surgery was off for the moment due to pnuemonia, he goes into the system to see what the urgent care doctors wrote. The first radiology reading of my chest xrays diagnosed pnuemonia NOS, second reading-Normal. "You didnt have pnuemonia-you had bronchitis, probably coughing up alot of mucus and stuff, you know if you cough hard enough you can break a rib, not that you did, but that might be why your rib cage hurt so much." What is wrong with these doctors-is the air thinner up here in PA? I had a dry cough, coughed nothing up, and my left lobe manually felt to be swollen and still does, he didnt dare touch my rib or chest. It still hasnt cleared, he refused to send me for an xray, tapped my back, had me cough,"I dont hear anything, sounds clear." I think the longest part of our conversation was which version of my pain med I want him to refill, the one with more or less acetominophen "because ya gotta which your liver, its not the narcotic part I'm worried about, its your liver." Right. Kids are not speaking to me. My oldest son made some despicable comments about the Rebbe and CH, was generally insulting and obnoxious during and after dinner and because I wrote him an email calling him on his disgusting behaviour, I'm the problem. Well they can close ranks if that's how they deal with him, but they're not doing him any favors. I tried making him closer, brought him to Dr. with me so he would feel like The Man who knows whats going on, instead he tell the doctor he's in med school and acts similarly as in my apt, I'll say no more because somewhere in tehillim its written to not speak ill about your kids. A primary mitzvah is kivud av v em and that's not on anyone's agenda, really. And if not spoken out loud, the default on why respecting or honoring a parent is not necessary for them is their mother walked away from the marriage and their father is a sadistic monster who seems to have mellowed with his list of illness and age. Middle daughter just called to say she would stop by in morning. I made scones, I thought it would be around mid morning before work. She told me I sound way to stressed and anxious lately, that I need to find things to do besides watch TV (that's only in the evening, its off all day) and go to Dr. appointments. That I need to understand that everyone is very busy-they have relationships, starting new jobs, the oldest with the potty mouth has a full schedule at summer college, everyone is so very busy. When I emailed my youngest daughter after leavving the urgent care clinic that I had pnuemonia, it was a reassurance that I wasnt havng a breakdown, I was SICK and on my way to pick up medicine. Never heard from her since, except an email yesterday after I emailed them about the jerk next door and wanting to move. If we had conversations everything wouldnt be in crisis mode, but I'm being told even conversations take too much time; I was told this evening I'm acting like an old woman in a nursing home who complains her kids dont visit enough, and I'm not even that old yet. How's that for a bunch of great adults who live in walking distance of my fucking apt? The really funny thing is a frum woman told me even before I moved here to come and be prepared to handle my own life, dont look to the kids for anything, let them come when they want. I should have listened! And now I will. Now I got it.