2.5 Decades Later

So much has happened, almost 28 years since divorce...the allegations of abuse have been rescinded by 2 of the girls, I dont thinkk J even knew they had discussed this, told me. My offers to confront him frightened them...over 3 years either with therapists talking them thruough what they think happened or sorting out nothing happened, everyone has a gentle cautious relationship with thier father.

ML is consistently seeing a therapist, moved back into a frum PITT community with a real aprtment he is proud to bring his father to visit and family and friends. Its not a basement or a scullery attic filled with hoarded garbage. He is still in college (since '92) and anticipates going into a BA program by next semester.

Lbs made aliya and after a difficult decade seems to have decided that her hme really there...I am so happy for her, miss her even more, his sister needs her but she needs to be allowed to live her life, free of familial responsibilities...she's been moma long enougn

Ruthless, still in school-communications, advertising and work. Works hard on trying to get her family relationships on track...its not easy, alot of finger pointing, tension.

But it is Ms Fluff that brought J and I back together, after 28 years because of her destructive involvement with male goyim, men who treat her like garbage. The current one she asked to marry her and he refused twice (not the marrying kind) and who then had the audacity to sit in front of her visitng father with no shame, no side bar about what his intentions are with this girl he is screwing and doesnt take care of her, she pays her way every way.

So J & I said this will not stand and must not-we married as lubavs, gave birth to lubavs, sent them thru yeshivah and their mid-twenties lackadasical attitude of reinventing judaism so it fits into their ungapatched lifestyle of including goyim at pesach seder eating non kosher foods, not observing shabbos and refusig to bentsch licht...its all a mess to be reviewed and discussed. We went to a Boro Park group this evening for about 2 hours and so many frustrated and hurt parents in different stages of divorce, teens, young adults...we were like the senior citizens having gone thru the GET, divorce, child support,the kids are grown and yet remain emotionally children.

I feel drained, cleansed actually from years of pent of thoughts and emotions. J seemed to feel energized, was very complimentary 'you're a smart lady' "you look nice tonight.' as I was leaving his car.

So he is considering a once a month drive in and I suppose I will make it during the other 3 weeks myself. Car Service for sure!!!

I'm thinking of bringing small notebooks for the women/men next week to jot down their ideas in one place--it would be their Wednesday notebook, only for them.
Iam very tired and the Rav gave us homework...he liked my phrase which he continue to use during the evening...a hole in the heart that we try to fill with anything to remove pain...in our case its destructive relationships.