Cold

Can you imagine being so cold, all the time, even in weather that is 70+degrees F? An internal kind of chill that only blazing hot showers take the edge off. Sometimes I forget about this simple relief, but for tonight I just unpacked some already packed heavy quilts and piled them on the bed. Every night I've been using Lidoderm pain patches because of spinal compression. At first they seemed to do nothing and that's what I reported to Dr. But I was never instructed HOW TO use THEM, where to place them. Even though there's a mile long info slip of warnings not to lick your fingers, scratch your eyes or the cat's nose inside each box, there aren't clear suggestions where to place the very sticky/tricky patches. Once peeled, they have to be placed, blindly and approximately where the pain is. In my situation, the pain is in the hip/groin because its radiated from the lower spine. Placement on my lower back was doing nothing, so I had pretty much given up using them. But I need options to deal with chronic 24/7 pain, so I tried different placements and seem to be having success. I do not expect that a new Dr. is going to be as amenable to write scripts for pain meds...

Bullies in foxholes....

NATO was able to dispose of one murdering member of the Ghaddafi family and now the Chief Snake wants a ceasefire. In Parsha Shemos, Pharaoh is warned over and over, with words and signs. He repeatedly lies saying he's got the message and will let the Jews go...and we know how long, how hard and the countless Jews who had to die waiting until the hour was right for G-d to provide a path. Bullies and their ilk, political and otherwise, never see the holes they dig for themselves. So many decades of theft, murder, manipulations of human lives, the pharaonic legacy is reenacted in Libya. There's no reason to believe that losing one son is enough of a 'sign' for Ghaddafi to let his people go and live in peace. Short of a miracle that would be bestowed on the Jewish people, NATO has to finish the job Obama started and then ran away from.

The Wedding

Watching the destruction of Princess Diana by the Palace and her adulterous husband Prince(I would love to be your tampon) Philip I had decided not to watch this wedding. But this afternoon I bumped into the wedding from the beginning (rerun) and watching Prince William handle his new bride like a treasured gift, brought such tears. Retracing his steps where he walked behind his mother's casket, having to live with the knowledge that her heart was broken by his own father, who then married the woman he'd been screwing as Diana tried to fill her days with anything to live with her depression and pain for being nothing more than a baby factory for the palace. So I took away some thoughts from watching this young man who clearly still honors his mother's memory and inherited her character and sense of gratitude for what he's been given in this life. Having suffered such a loss and having dealt with much of the entire episode in a public manner, and who knows what he was not allowed to say or feel-whatever, he became a man any mother would weep with joy to behold on his wedding day. There is a saying that you should marry a man who loves you more than you love...such a marriage will remain secure, if you tend to it and nurture it. It seems that at the very least these two love equally and perhaps William loves Kate for reasons so deep and private, having first become friends in college. His ignoramous of a father said, when asked about the wedding announcement, "About time, they've been practicing long enough..." These are the words of a man who so tormented his wife she literally went mad from grief and yet produced amazing boys and left a legacy of good works and charity. US media, as I channel surfed, seemed to go out of their way to ignore the wedding. A wedding noted as the Wedding of the Century. The King of Tonga, the Sultan of Brunei, likely other governmental officials and not one mention of an American representing the administration. England has served with us in Iraq, Afghanistan, helped with Libya...is security the real issue for not inviting the american president? Was there no American worth inviting? Truly bizaare. And in the meantime, there are hundreds of people dead from hurricanes and tornados, loss of homes, businesses, thousands of people homeless and once again there is a silence from the WH. Governors declaring state of emergency and no president sitting in the oval office rallying the country. He remains the impotent false god he was since day one. All those months wasted on health care that is only creating a confused mess and expensive one at that. Instead of creating jobs, telling people that entrepeneurship is the way to start up new jobs. How many cupcake bakeries will it take to restart America's economy? How many street carts selling tacos and overstuffed sandwiches are needed to get things back to 'normal'? What we really need is someone to define The New Economic Normal for Americans; clearly this president doesnt have the dimension or ability to do it, he sent Bernanke out to mumble and spin debt ceiling BS. Instead we are being told a depression worse than the one in 2008 is coming in 2011. People are openly admitting they are turning annuities and other investments into actual gold and silver, not paper, metals they can hold and be ready to trade for food, shelter in the coming mess. So all the prayers read for the new couple included mention of their new life against a backdrop of a difficult world all around. But that they symbolize hope, as any new couple marrying ideally would embody. For all the thousands of immigrants who flooded into England from the middle east, who depend on the government for housing, food and financial support, those same who rioted not long ago because prices were going up, tuition was going up, jobs were going down, living on 'the dole' was becoming more difficult...where were all the ingrates who leave their homelands run by dictators, who suck up everything they can, just as they do in the US and then sit back, avoid becoming fully integrated into the societies they move to..where were they to cheer on the new faces of England, the hope of their futures in England as well as a reflection of the best of what two young people can become, despite hardships. G-d protect them from temptation of all kinds and keep them on track to become exemplary political leaders.

Ghosts, goblins et al

Since I made a decision to move, actually made a trip to the Ohel and asked for a bracha to move forward with a move out of this golus I live in...deep breath...there have been some strange goings on here. I'm watching TV in the living room and feel someone 'sit down' on the futon but I look and there's no one and both cats are sleeping in the other room. It's happened in my bed as well. I can feel the weight of something weighing down on the mattress or move on the bed. I thought there were mice maybe inside the mattress, nothing...no mice, no tears and cats are so annoyed at me with all the boxes in their faces they eat and sleep, little else, so its not the cats playing games. But this afternoon these incidents went up a level. I opened a drawer in the kitchen to take out a plastic bag to wrap something and the drawer was empty, which was not unexpected, but in place of any bags was a large clump of cat litter. It was the solid type of clump you would find in a litter box after a cat has urinated. I'm pretty tired but my brain is still solid enough to recall something as odd as removing a clump of cat litter and depositing it inside a kitchen drawer for no reason. In fact I use doggie bags that people who walk their dogs use and have to pick up the dog mess and then tie/dispose. So I would not be going in a kitchen drawer to take out a grocery bag for that purpose. I'm not sure what is going on...I daven and say tehillim, it may be time to check the one mezuzah that's up. Or someone or something is pissed about the move and upheaval in the apt...?

read something else...

I'm here writing to save the bitz of sanity left after packing an apartment by myself and being sick inbetween. 1 day intense packing means 2-3 days of chills, extreme body ache. Yesterday the weather here was foggy, damp, cool and I could neither stay awake or find the pain med. I dont think they make pain meds strong enough for what I have, unless a morphine drip was available, aint no such luck. You know, that should be an option for doc/patient to decide whether to use of not. I am actually stringent, sparing to the point of stupidity when it comes to using pain medication because I use something very strong. Maybe because I dont use it everyday, on purpose, although I'd love to and never have much pain, it continues to be effective. So over the past 5 years I've learned how to maintain the various joint/nerve disorders I have. One thing I'm looking forward to discussing w another doctor is what type of exercise is safe. I may need to invest in a treadmill because the energy required to go to a gym would finish me before I got there, had a workout and came home to collapse for days. psoriatic arthritis and severe fibromyalgia. Unfortunately, diagnosis and treatment for both came 2 decades after seeing one doctor after another who chalked it up to 'nerves' or 'depression.' So now the joint damage is pretty severe. Fibro attacks the nerves and psoriatic arthritis chews up the joints. So the combo is enough to keep anyone in bed. but I keep going because if I stop starting up again is too difficult. I realized this while out walking. Where I live there are no places to sit, no benches, people place spiked fences by their property...its a signal to one and all to keep moving. About the best a person can do is stop near a light post and try to look at anything except the person passing who stares at you with curiosity. My spine has compressed-dealing with the above issues was becoming bearable with the new biologics my Dr. prescribed, but now my leg gives way just when I need it and so going out is frightening at times. Its as if one leg is shorter than the other; the lower discs are so jammed together one leg cant be lifted more than a few inches-the other leg, its as if it belongs to someone else, not a problem, thank G-d. So UPS rings the bell around 7pm and the guy is there with 3 boxes, none too heavy but large and clumsy. And I'm there with the cane and keys and he load the boxes into the hallway, has me sign and sez 'goodnight.' Some UPS guys are princes, they dont even ask, they sprint up the steep stairs with something large or heavy or both and some refuse to be tipped. I get two boxes up the steps but making a 4th trip up and down must have been too much. Almost at the top of the staircase my leg gave way under me, cane rattled and slide down the steps and I fell flat on the stair and boxes. Lucky for me I didnt follow the cane, that would have put an end to traveling anywhere, any time soon.

Paul & Ron Ryan

Father and son are truly scary. If I recall...I think they're Objectivists or aligned with Ayn Rand's philosophy more loosely. Which loosely interpreted means little government involvement in social welfare programs, such as welfare, medicaid, medicare, foodstamps, housing, social security. Transitioning the baby boomer generation, who paid into the system for social security, medicare and has lived with an expectation that these were retirement cushions, this is going to be a period of moral and personal destruction. It will not be resolved easily or simply. AMericans have yet to learn how to save, conserve, be frugal. So telling Americans they cannot have 'stuff' and have to limit their lifestyles to precisely what they can actually afford, which may not be a house/car/designer stuff may fall on deaf ears. It's like reading a woman's magazine where every other page is a recipe for low fat cooking followed by family ads depicting happy parents and kids eating at McDonalds. Kids are being encouraged to take their moms to McD's for mother's day, because a burger/fries is so affordable. Living now on disability, I was anticipating Medicare coverage in 2012. In the next 12 months I honestly dont know what type of coverage I will have as a decision will need to be made either for COBRA or a different type of insurance for 12 months. A stupid gap period...if a person is deemed eligible for Medicare, give it to them, why make someone wait 18 months? Privatizing Medicare and asking the current older generation to buy their own insurance to pay for their medical needs seems unrealistic. My own kids cant afford health insurance and are in exactly the same situation I was in my 20s-30s-floundering with only seeing a doctor for emergencies, otherwise turn a blind eye to general health maintenance. Problem with that is medical problems often creep up and gradually get worse. You ignore the exhaustion thinking its the long work hours when it could be something more serious. I dont mean to sound like Chicken Little, but I went through this and when I finally did have medical insurance worth something, it took another 2 decades to get a correct diagnosis and treatment. But its late, physical damage is done. For me to lose coverage now while taking maintenance meds allowing me to function is not a small matter. I want Obama out of office-as everyone on both sides, even those cheerleaders who are sitting silent now have come around to where I waa 3 years ago; where'd he come from? who the hell is he? and the media hysteria pushing him solely for being The First Black Man to Be President, wasnt enough. We were tired of war and the Bush regime(s) and grabbed on to anything that seemed a panacea to sooth our souls. The birther certificate issue is so meaningless, he needs to go simply on his record of dithering incompetence and lack of ability to LEAD. Ironically the stalwart dictators of the Middle East smelled his incompetence very early, Iran sailed right by with their reactor, into the Strait of Hormuz and back home again while Obama had nothing but sound bytes to offer. The list of pathetic gestures is too long, I'm too tired at the moment to enumerate them...packing takes alot out of a girl:-) So I'm watching the obnoxious GOP candidates carefully-if all they have to offer is Rand's solution to the national debt, already passed by the House, plus Trump/Huckabee/Bachmann/Orville the Mormon as their candidates, I will be forced to vote for a democratic ticket. The right thing would be to vote in a slate that wants to fix the mess, clean the corruption, trim government programs and make them 'means tested' but I dont see that happening in my lifetime, maybe never. Capitalism has become less an opportunity for Everyman and perverted into how much an individual can accumulate, whether they need it or not-GREED packaged under a different name with a bow on it. Many of us who walked a straight line, paid bills/taxes and lived within our means are sitting around with not much to show for years of 14 hour days. Idealism in this area is replaced with a sense of personal survival and I will be unable to afford a private health plan after the monies sucked out of my paycheck for years was misspent by the government that now cries it has to raise the debt ceiling and we're all broke and have to choke...I dont have to choke if you stole my retirement from me. There is always another option...

Celebrities Creating Mental Illness Mythologies

Yesterday a beautiful actress's name was all over the news for having come out as bi-polar and went into the hospital for treatment. Her name is left out in hopes that leaving it out will not force removal of the entire post. That said, I wanted to make some points because I'm pretty PO'd. Every day the average slob with mental illness debates within his/herself whether to come out of the closet, tell family, friends, employers. We debate whether its safe to seek help openly, where will it show up on some employer's job investigation prior to hiring or whether its 'safe' to mention mental illness in the work place because of the social stigma. And I would like one person here to say that if you suddenly revealed the fact that indeed your behavior, whatever it may be, was because of mental illness, that whomever you told didnt take a side step and look at you with either an 'ah ha!' expression or suddenly not know what to say...after all, we cant see what's broke, so its hard to empathize with the pain. And most well persons have no concept of how the mentally ill 'see' the world, how narrow the tunnel is, how brutal interaction is, how cautious one sometimes or often feels in reaching out in the most mundane ways to others, how some of us fear misreading social cues, feel isolated, paranoid or depressed for reasons that seem without reason...except only that these feelings are a wardrobe we have worn for so long its indistinguishable for us, it IS us, all of it, the sum of it has consumed us and each day is a struggle to be a person inspite of being ill. Do you get my point? Those of us without public profiles, fame and loads of money, many of us too sick to work or afford insurance, who cant afford medications or go to a psychopharmacologist who will titrate meds every 2 weeks in search of the perfect med combo that will help mediate the ups and downs on the spectrum of depression. Our marriages collapse, relationships suffer, people get bored/tired/frustrated with us and many times finally just turn away. Depression IS contagious. I loved a man deeply, he asked me to marry him, it was a couple of years after I separated from my husband and the divorce paperwork was still in court. It was the first true proposal I ever had, I loved him and he loved me. There was nothing else when we walked in the street, I can only compare our going down the street as a biblical experience because the 'sea' parted, the world was there yet invisable, I never felt the earth under me...someone loved me. However, I was as yet undiagnosed with PTSD, very vulnerable emotionally having been seperated from my very young children and functioning because the only other option was either death, suicide or life on the street. I am like a functioning addict or alcoholic-I appear normal, work long and hard and crash harder and deeper. I have been diagnosed at various times as manic depressive, bi-polar rapid cycling, bi-polar 1, schizoid affective and finally the last shrink chuckled and said at best, chronic depression...but his diagnosis came 20 years after divorce, leaving the kids, losing my uterus/periods which were horrendous and ignored no matter how many doctors I asked to find out why I bled like a sick pig every month. In the end, this brilliant man, a photographer and gentle soul who seemed so strong one day turned to me and said 'You depress me! I want you to leave or I will leave you are depressing me.' Worse things have been said between couples, and worse things have been said to the mentally ill. Perhaps because this was a man I did love and trusted entirely, a rareity for me, that these words were no less than murder. He left, it turned out he had been having an affair and our emotional situation, lack of money, stress of long work hours all added up to finding fault with me. Depression was the excuse, and I dont mean that bitterly because it is the truth as painful as it was at the time, it was like a ball and chain we both carried. I spent years grieving, I was grieving even while being a mother,while being pregnant year after year, and to this day I cant tell you what or whom I grieve over. But melancholy or living under a black sun as it is sometimes referred to, is the only life I know. There is no magic to my situation, is there anything news worthy in your daily struggle with mental illness? If you made it out of bed and got things done around the house, or were able to volunteer, do chores, get errands done, take care of the kids, make dinner, find something to laugh about...that's a damn good day. So why each beautiful woman, and its usually someone stunning, a sex symbol everyone admires comes out and says she's ill and needs treatment you hear a Greek chorus singing in harmony of her good graces, her bravery and courage in talking about her pain and seeking treatment. And in Hollywood this is a badge of honor. Madness and the creative spirit is often a subject studied and written about. In the last decade or so, how many depressives have published memoirs describing the experiences in mental hosptials, the misunderstandings, the drug/alcohol abuse to ease their pain and confusion...until Dr. Drew showed up and cleared up all the confusion and made rehab a fashion statement. There is a huge gap, a dichotomy between what the media portrays as the myth of madness in the creative person and the mental illness of the average citizen. And we, for all the organizations such as NAMI and others that collect money, have conferences, publish papers and newletters, they need to address this because until this moment, what is fashionable for the rich and famous to have bi-polar is certainly not fashionable for Everyman suffering in silence, alone confused and unrepresented. Carl Jung, a one time protege of Freud, believed every person is a composite, a spirtitual recepticle of every experience, every myth, every story from time in memoriam. We are filled with memories we do not understand but often recognize in one another. It is this gift of rememberance of our ancestors histories that (supposedly) make us human and humane. While Freud believed we are most influenced by our infant experiences with each parent, mostly the mother, Jung felt too much emphasis an power was given by Freud, to the role of the mother on a child's development. Today, I think we understand both philosophies have retained some truth as we understand a child cannot grow in a healthy manner without being 'mothered' in infancy-mothered as in tended to, held, cared for when crying, wet, hungry etc. We have had brilliant doctors as the two above, Piaget who delved into child development, Bleuler who gave his life to understanding depression and its phases and expression, Alice Miller who first wrote about the nurturance of THe Gifted Child, her groundbreaking book on the subject and my beloved Thomas Szasz who said its all a sham, people with mental illness are in fact the healthy ones who can see the fraudulant fakery in modern society and simply cant keep up with it all-he believed schizophrenia was the result, a healthy result against the insanity of the modern world. My point being, we have studied the development of the human mind and its emotions for centuries, we have come from tying patients down in beds for shock therapy, for ice baths to calm them, experimented with every conceivable medications developed specifically for mental illness and now are crossing over meds using epileptics for depression (check the class action suits on those drugs) using older MAO inhibitors for Fibromyalgia patients to induce sleep and calmness, and these drugs still retain the same stigma whether used for FM or depression. Its been studied, the rich and famous have exposed themselves and owned up to having mental illnesses, altho it always seems to be bi polar...for same odd reason. I guess that diagnosis has become well known or safe enough to say I Have It. But those of us who have taken lithium know the side effects and the drugs then needed to combat the side efffects if lithium does become part of a drug cocktail. Someone beautiful and in pain acts out, asks for help and help is there. There are now weekly programs on US television dedicated to people who have sought treatment for Mystery Diagnosis for years, doctor after doctor and were told, 'Its all in your head' using the label of mental illness as a garbage pail when a physical cause cannot be found. I tell you here and now, mental illness remains the last bastion of the human condition not taken seriously. We can turn on TV and see the inside of a psych ward and the mumbling, hand wringing, clapping, drooling, personal silences that make us turn away. It hits too close to home, could be any one of us and has been many of us. While fat people deal with public disgust there is now such an epidemic of eating disorders aside from obesity that stigma can no longer be applied to weight! The same with sexuality-you are who you are, there are no longer lines drawn to define male or female..dabble where you like as you like...the stigma is gone, we're now looking to legalize relationships that at one time could get you a jail term or death in some places in the world. The mentally ill are still stuck up in the attic, in group homes, tended by shamed relatives or less than caring 9-5 employees not talking at all or making harsh cruel remarks to group home mebers. I live one block from a group home, they residents are forbidden to speak or be spoken to and they can speak, but they live in terror, so I dont know what goes on behind those closed doors of that small brownstone. We know what needs doing, we have the research, we have the drugs in many cases, we usually have warning signs even before a patient himself may own up to feeling ill and asking for help, we know the importance of parenting, good caring intelligent teachers, we know every piece of the puzzle to help create a healthy functioning person even in today mad world- and yet mental illness remains the last door nailed shut, hidden behind and kept from the sunlight. So I frankly could give a flying fart which famous rich actress announces she's got BP because it dont mean squat to 99.9% of the rest of us. Its too late to claim a spot as a role model. We have an entire generation so mentally short circuited that shooting up classmates, planning massacres in schools is something pathologically considered as sport. Is it lack of health care or caring about health altogether? Maybe all this is unique to the United States-the gluttony, depression, psychotic behaviors that have no explanation, death and murder of one's children seen as the only alternative to greivous situations. How does a mother who had her first child at 15 and at age 25 her youngest is 11 months, tuck them all into a truck and announce to them "we are going to all die together" and then drive the truck into the river watching her toddlers choke and drown? Is it lack of options? Careless or uncaring observations of her mental state? How do we take the pain of people suffering so deeply, so cheaply? What remains invisible to the eye is often felt more deeply with the heart and so there really is NO excuse to watch other in pain and not ask, what can I do to help? Not one of us, not one has a family member of friend without mental illness. When was the last time you checked in and asked whether that person has cooked themselves a hot meal? Has a clean room or bed to sleep in? Has food in the fridge? Might need help getting to the doctor, do they have insurance? There are pharmacueticals trying to be helpful while becoming rich and offering many medications at low or no cost, this is their way of paying forward. So this thread is not a total loss of time, here are some foundations, organizations and drug assistance companies that either have medications they offer depending on your income or lack of income: Chronic Disease Fund 877-968-7233 They have a long list of diseases they provide medications for, some are closed due to demand, many are available. Health Well 800-675-8416 Income based, low income or no insurance PPA RX.com Income based if you take medications that are helping you and are straining to buy them each month, write a letter to the company manufacturer, not the generic knockoff, and tell them how your life was changed by their drug and ask for their help. Ask them to provide some assistance of not free medication, because its the difference between life and death for you. Its that simple, that daring and you have nothing to lose. you are giving them the opportunity to put a face to their drug, a human touch to their test tubes and calculations. I was given the aboive information because I'm nearing the end of my employers covering me and I take about 15 medications daily. 3 of my meds cost thousands each month-without some kind of assistance I wont have them much longer. The great news is we found meds that work, it too years of trying alot of meds, but maybe if some doctors had done their work and taken me seriously and run some tests that I didnt know to ask for back then, I would not be a disability recipient today and dependent on meds to function. None of us is off the hook, is my last soap box rant. Every person mentally ill or healthy as a horse that has a heart, ears and eyes knows someone that needs help. Might be small acts of kindness, but sometimes those kindnesses are the difference between life and ddath. Find someone who needs such an act and reach out, you will change his life and your own. It is only one act at a time that can bring mental illness and the mentally ill back into the fold of humanity, out of the closet, down from the attic and not regarded as a freak show. And aside from the liberal mamby pamby blithering above, let me add if you are ill and wont take your meds and are acting out causing yourself and others danger, you should be in a place and forced to take your meds until you understand without them, you will not be taken seriously or allowed to participate in society. You cant have it both ways and that goes for the entire spectrum of mental health issues including sexual abuse, anger management and certified and diagnosed mental illness.

Catching Up

NY Times Op Ed piece, I'm sorry I cant attribute the writer, but he wrote what I wrote last week; Obama is lost in space, dithering, seemed to cave early on budget issues...he asked Where is Obama? where is the man we elected to be President? My question is, when are these bleeding hearts who do mean well and have good intentions and are truly happy a Black man made it into the WH, when are they going to GET IT? Mr Obama was selected by someone(s) somewhere for the job, votes were corralled (ACORN?) and from the get go this man did not know what the job entailed. You dont learn to be president on the job. Maybe you could during more peaceful times...say post war early Fifties...maybe during Eisenhower's time, but even he brought the knowledge of war and its toll on men and the country to the office. Being Black is not enough to be President. Being Black and speaking the King's English is also not enough. Interesting how the media was hyping Mrs. Obama in the same sentence as Jackie O and that fizzled after the first 18 months. She was going to take on eating issues in a nation that continues to grow physically as it flounders financially. Comfort food abounds. Food trucks, hand made sweets, cupcakes, pies as well as television programs about food, foodies, traveling globally to discover food, how its found, made, eaten, who's doing the cooking...so much of it redundant, and no where is Mrs. O partnering in a program with celebrities to effect dietary changes...as if anyone poor and desperate wants a lecture on eating less fries and McD's. It seems the only excursions the first lady makes is when she's on a vacation with the daughters in tow. Wasn't there a time when First Lady's would reach out on state visits? Or maybe that's Hillary's job, reaching out to touch someone, someone like Ghaddafi who after being told he must leave, is still in power and laughing all the way through the tunnels as he counts the billions he collected from the US after his 'rehabilitation' into a civilized leader instead of a thug. ho hum... So we have 3 wars going, a budget road map that will take us onto the path of battles royale in the coming weeks. Perhaps Mr. O thought he would give a bit in the opening salvay and is preparing to stand firm (I'm laughing as I write this)when it comes to keeping taxes as is or defending his healthcare plan which in theory would be decimated if the 39million in cuts is implemented. We live in times of revolution and rebirth. While Syria may be quietly murdering its citizens as if no one is noticing, so they can keep Assad in power, such dictators will have limited reigns now. It's become fashionable to declare social media 'dead'-in fact its only beginning and its power is only starting to be harnessed by the younger generations who will not tolerate the abuses their parents had to live with, feeling impotent, powerless, unheard and resigned to their lot. I dont know that John Boehner has the stomach to be president. So far the GOP shows no one truly strong enough to buck against the O.co...Michelle Bachmann has been annointed Palin's successor since the budget issues were played out and Planned Parenthood became the lightening rod for the Democrats to condemn the GOP for wanting to strip women's rights to choose from law, I wish they would rephrase that to a woman's right to abort, choosing has little to do with it...no one chooses to kill, its an over used option that has taken the place of birthcontrol. I'm too bloody tired at the moment. Japan continues with its smoke and mirrors pony show and why there isnt a global demand that those reactors arent filled with cement like at Chernobyl is anyone's guess. Maybe one good quake will finally make such a mess of things they'll get closed down. in the meantime, they dump radioactive waste into the Pacific Ocean and warn folks off sushi. Madness, everywhere. Thomas Szasz, my hero next to Kay Jamison, wrote that schizophrenia was in fact a health reaction to the madness of modern life and societal expectations. While there is relatively low levels of schizophrenia, the US is overflowing with eating disorders and every manner of depression...bi polar being one very overused diagnosis. I was on my way into Beth Israel Medical center in NYC and the elevator stopped on a floor that was a center for research of childhood manic depression. I'm talking toddlers here. A man from the floor got into the elevator and I was so stunned I asked if the center was strictly research or were they also treating children for this 'disease' at such a young age. He looked at me sideways and said, "Research, and treatment" in such a way as to defend the concept...maybe my tone reflected the disgust at such fraudulent medicine, but as we know there's no accounting in the medical profession and the least is in the psychiatric field...slapping labels everywhere...and where the DSM hasn't quite caught up to labeling something officially a disorder or disease, it begins with calling something a syndrome. But I digress, as usual and take my leave before I put myself to sleep.

New neighbors

The apartment next to mine has been empty for about 6 weeks. In that time the cats have had peace & quiet, sat on the landing and relaxed. Previously they only knew screaming, yelling, door slamming from the 5 people living next door who were crammed into 2.5 rooms. There is a 7 year old who is very bright and came right into my apt looking around, wanting to see the cats. Its amazing how they can make themselves invisible in such a small apt, but they manage to do it every time. No one believes I have 2 cats in here- Since I'm packing and moving on to a new life elsewhere I decided on the spot to ask Ms. J if she would adopt the two dolls I had here. She was very excited even tho Masha (now named Daisy) is stiff and hard and Pessie (i think she was renamed Susie)were a handful to carry. They came with a big box of doll clothes of all kinds so she'll be busy now. I wasn't going to move my old dinosaur television, its one of those 2-ton jobs 19" screen but I saw her parents hauling one up our steep staircase that's twice the size of mine, so the way things cost today, my old dinosaur is coming with me. The old tenants were so stress inducing...too bad living near decent friendly people only happened on my way out the door.

Running from President

Let's see...within the span of a few weeks America began a third war front in Libya which meant short intense carpet bombing that didnt kill Ghaddafi and now NATO is lying low, unsure if the insurgents are the good guys to support or Al Quaeda in sheep' clothing. Japan continues to lie about the nuclear mess and the entire subject remains on the back burner-Since it is an issue that will effect global life, long term, they're spilling radiative water into the ocean for at least 2 days that we know of, issued warning about radiation standards for fish from the region. Someone in the Japanese government decided to pay compensation early, about $12 per person in the neighborhood of the plants. It's mindboggling that international outrage is not a unified voice as this plays out, it will effect at least the next generation both of the oceans and our children, what the f*ck are the priorities or are government just overwhelmed as the rest of us slobs? Obama is so disrespected and my hero John Boehner is so outraged that Obama is the president that for now, Boehner appears to be sticking to his guns and holding up the BS budget Obama wants to push thru that will fund his fake medical overhaul as jobs continue to disappear. That MacDonalds suddenly announced its hiring 50,000 new employees in a time when their food is poisoning people, causing diabetes and obesity reeks of backroom games of possibly being put up to create jobs by the administration. No budget, Obamcare screwing up the entire medical system only to increase fees, limit procedures and allow companies to increase fees from employers who pass on the cost to patients, flip flop on closing Gitmo because the amount of money and chaos to secure a trial in lower Manhattan, not far from Ground Zero would be prohibitive-instead of straight up conversations and working with immigration issues, there are raids, deportations, families being split up without warnings-I'm on the No Mr.Obama, the American people dont like your high falutin rhetoric and your games. This country tasked its leaders at every level months ago to cut the spending, cut it back, stop pissing the future away that whatever is left that the Chinese and Saudis dont already own, is left for our kids to build a future for their own families. Your pretense at 'transparency' is contradicted at every turn and one can only ask on what basis do you have the audacity to announce, in the midst of all this, that you are going to run for President again. Who is going to endorse you aside from Donna Brazile who has an answer and excuse for everything you screw up? ACORN is defunct and it appears Rev. Wright aint too happy with ya, the so called Left feels let down and CNN is going to be showing a series about the Black Agenda in America, stating what's good for the Blacks is good for the Nation. Is this in response to the announcement that Hispanics will soon be the largest constituency in America? You still havent created anything worthy of discussion about the borders or immigrations levels, anchor babies...its just goes on and on and its goes on as cuts to education, screwed up health care are overtaking every city in the nation. Unions are being busted because of collective bargaining being exploited by union leaders to bleed everyone and every place possible in the name of 'fair' wages, while sucking ridiculous levels of union dues every paycheck from employees with the now almost impossible promise of job protection. You ran for the office of President only to run from being a President. Speaking the King's English does not a president make...go back to Rahm in Chicago and teach or look for a position as college president...college presidencies seem to be the pasture where presidents reside when all else fizzles and boy, you are as flat as they get. Mr. Pawlenty...keep those ads coming, we're paying attention.