My daughters

I am a mother of 3 daughters, 2 sons. 2 of my daughters have made aliyah. The oldest is now 28 and has lived there almost 6 years. The middle daughter is now 25 and left in June. Before R. left in June, she claimed to her youngest sister that her father sexually abused her and she had recalled the abuse during therapy sessions. Her siblings discussed this, before speaking to me, and pretty much dismissed the claim. R. refused to speak to me at all about this an when I went to visit her brothers and sister and tried meeting with her for coffee, to talk, she refused to speak with me at all.
This evening, my youngest daughter called because she needed help. She's alone now with no sisters in the U.S., overwhelmed by trying to support herself and tries to maintain a close relationship with her 2 brothers who live in the same town as her. Midway thru the conversation, she said her oldest sister needs to return to the u.S. but when she asked her sister when she was coming in and where she wanted to stay, she said she cant stay at her fathers house ever again. All she wouyld tell her younger sister is that one night while she was asleep, she woke to find her father sitting on her bed fondling her leg. She said there were other incidents of touching but wouldnt disucss it on the phone.

While it is difficult to write this, it is harder trying to breathe and focus. When his second wife left him, she told the girls 'listen to your mother and believe everything she may tell you about your father..." I can honestly say there was never a time he gave any inkling of this type of perversion and sickness. He never showed an interest in children sexually, he did have an interst in adult porn, something I had not seen intimately in or outside of Crown Heights prior to being his wife.

I thought when I completed years of paying child support to him, it would be an opportunity to heal the family, move forward. I can only think now how we are going to destroy this man. If there is nothing else I do in this life, it willbe to expose publically and ruin this man, who not only destroyed any poissibility of a frum, safe and happy home for me and my children, but violated his own daughters who looked to him for protection after our divorce.

The filth and scum that hides behind religious garb and trappings...is in every religion. But this is judaism, this is a 'religious jew' who lived in a most sacred place with a Rebbe O"H who was the closest human to Hashem in my generation. A Rebbe who was like a father to me, who always answered my kvitlach, gave brochas, sent me checks for support...but I didnt listen.

This is a husband and father who walked all over Crown Heights in a kapota, stood in yechidus with the Rebbe O"H. I cannot cast stones, my house is glass...I married an egyptian, desperate to find some happiness before becoming to old to find anything with anyone, anywhere. A short fiasco concluding with a divorce doesnt absolve my stupidity and selfishness.

I dont know that there is tshuvah for parents who hurt their children as we've hurt and let down these 5 kids.

If I didnt know what to do with the rest of my life, I know now.