Cat

Cat, that I loved more than anything or anyone in this world, passed away on December 11. A tumor that showed up a few months ago under her chin grew quickly. Vet said at 19 years of age she wouldnt survive anaethesia. For the last 3 months, she's been on antibiotics, making her even sicker, unable to hold food most of time, other times eating as if starved. Different antibiotic tried and vet showed me how to give her IV fluid at home.
She began isolating herself last month, sleeping under the kitchen table, physically melting whenever I picked her up to administer fluid or meds, clean her nose that was constantly stuffed and crusting from a cold or just trying to comfort her.

Last Monday, exhausted, unable to eat, restless, her eyes were dilated, she clearly was enduring something she couldnt tolerate much more. She came on the bed, something she hadn't been doing much, sat close and licked my arm. When she was younger, healthier she did this daily, as if grooming me. Her tumor was bleeding, she had scatched it hard with her back paw, I found her paw bloody with tissue stuck to it.
I cleaned her tumor, feet and she just buried her head against me. I wrapped her with gauze to protect it and cut the finger off a stretchy glove to make her a booty so if she tried to scratch she wouldnt further mutilate herself.

Tuesday morning I packed her up in my sweater into her case and took her to vet as they opened. Vet saw her right away. The options were to attempt surgery because she would die from blood poisoning with the tumor condition, followed by a collar, IV as long as she continued to live...if she survived the operation. I chose to put her to sleep because she was frightened, in pain and so very tired. Vet let me hold her as he injected inside her thigh with phenobarb and she quietly went died within seconds.

Its taken 4 days even to write this. Cat was with me after the children went to live with their father, with me in disappointments in relationships, through getting my degrees when no family cared or paid attention, moved with me, waited for me, loved me. It feels like the last witness of my life, not just a beloved friend is gone. She is irreplacable.