Right, Left, right....left...

Six years, multiple diagnosis, myriad of tests and now game may be changing. I've been complaining or reporting of extreme hip/lower back pain. As long as 9 months ago, but doc said too early to get approval for another MRI. Leg pretty much collapses when I turn suddenly, put weight on that leg, which of course means when walking, its touch & go, so I've been avoiding anything except crucial reasons to be out and walking.

A month ago, after listening to my repeated comments that something is off with my hip, doc said she would request approval for MRI. I said my insurance does not require pre authorization, she said Oh yes, we need to do that...huh? It took a month of waiting to receive an office call that no authorization was needed, so, did I want script mailed to me or would I like to pick it up?
Since I had to make the appointment, said I would come (via subway) to pick it up. Then we got hit with first snow storm...before that cleared, a second snow storm. I had to reschedule MRI 2x and had it done on 2.8.11.

Doc calls to tell me I must be seen asap by spine doctor...okay, I ask her why,please tell me what's going on, I'm taking enough meds I wont freak out, dont worry. MRI shows my spine is severely inflammed which accounts for the pain, but the cause...that requires more tests, ASAP I'm told but I dont have subway fare, no less doctor fees until March.

It always works out this way...it takes months, into years to get a doctor to HEAR when I say, something is wrong, this pain isnt right. And I speak clearly, maybe too clearly. It wasnt until 2005 when I saw a female rhuematologist that someone finally listened, ran tests and whaddya know, it wasnt a mental figment, it was a host of neglected, ignored serious health issues that had been shrugged off and misdiagnosed.

Because of years of no treatment, my body is not accepting much in terms of medicines, alot of no reaction, rare adverse side affects and continued PAIN. Pain that now requires serious pain meds just to function.

Her practice is so busy, I bring notes of what to report, what I need in scripts, what I need to ask...quickly, in and out so as not to waste her time. She was good enough to tell me to apply for disability and supported that claim throughout the process.

So I feel guilty in wanting to say "are you paying attention to your patients?" which I could have asked 6 months ago when she suddenly said, you have to see an endocrinologist and then endocrinologist pulls up 3 yrs worth of tests that show abnormal results for specific issues...did you not see that? Were you too busy asking me to stop by the review website to give the practice a great review so the practice is included in the Top 100 Doctors in New York???????? Is bringing in business to the hosptial more important that hearing what patients say? I have some of the best health insurance that will likely not be available by summer, COBRA kicks in and the price quote is not something affordable while living in NY on disability-so its not like I'm an indigent Medicaid patient she has to work around, its all there, just order the tests, make the referrals but I've waited since August for rhuematoid medication because authorization got lost among the piles of paperwork staff had to fax and didnt. 6 months lost when all I have left is 5 months of coverage, then all hell breaks lose.

And no one to discuss this with...kids dont call, dont want to hear this crap, too depressing, they're busy. And best of all, I was notified that parents need to act like parents and not turn to children for support or anything, parents are meant to offer that to kids. So my job now is shut up and do whatever is needed, to be supportive.

In the past month I've come to realize this is all in G-d's hand, stay here or go elsewhere, it doesnt matter much because no one really has the time, they're all growing and going...you have yourself and not much else. The best of parents find themselves alone at this time of life, I'm done punishing myself.