Rochel bas Sarah Emeynu

I've often thought, probably to my own deteriment, that few read and fewer care. I left chassidus in CH in '86 after 14 years of being a baletschuvah, wife and mother. While living in CH I basically subsisted (as did my entire family) under the protection and tzadakah of the Rebbe Shl'ta, the generosity of R. Pinson and her parents and Simcha Shabbos v Yontif.
I may write from time to time about those years, but the aim of these writings is not to go back, as the community, the anash has changed, since I left and clearly so since '94...I've been out and in the goyish velt since '86 and learned many things about life, people and how people treat others. I found that few if any people attempt to truly know another person, perhaps I should include myself in this statement. I've lived with other ethnic groups and communities.

We tend to view what we want or hope to see in another person or profession or lifestyle, rather than the reality of what we actually do see. Because of that minor but critical difference, we accept relationships, in business and in our personal lives based on the false hope that the future may be better, will improve, if it doesnt seem so at the moment. Maybe its partially the 'grass always seems greener' syndrome?

It was easy in '75 to become a member of the jewish (alright, the LubavCH) community, as a young unmarried confused-about -my-identity maydel...thirty years later as a divorced woman
doing tschuvah, the road map is less clear and very isolated. But with G"ds help I am determined to clean up my own life and rejoin the klal.

At the first yechidus I had with the Rebbe shl'ta he asked my name. After giving it to him 3x he corrected me by informing me I am to be known as "Rachel bas Sarah Emeynu"
If anyone reading this can say a tehillim for me in this journey 'home' please use my name...as seems there's alot of 'lost' and wandering yidden these days...