Sleep evades

I can't sleep...reading most of day different blogs. Yidden everywhere discussing antisemitism, shocked or outraged, as if its coming 'out of the closet.' But its always been there. Could we be responsible for some of it...have we tried too hard to assimilate, be accepted by the goyishe velt? Have we been too accepting of ethics and behaviour so against our beliefs, hoping that if we believe and act like everyone else, not 'chosen', that in fact antisemitism would fade?
Goldenhagen's book should be mandatory curriculum in every home.
I'm guiltier than many. Grew up with liberal teachings, held onto them in CH, taught them to my children and thoroughly confused them into thinking humanity is all the same, all equal if just given a chance, given enough 'love and peace', sooner or later everyone comes around. Its the biggest lie of all...Meir K. knew and understood. Many of us are late to the game in understanding some basic facts. Call its racism or call it the truth or continue to bang your head against the wall, we're never going to be loved by goyim...the worst of it turning the hate inside after being hated so long from the outside, you can't tell the difference where the hate begins or ends.
I was a 'daughter' of Menachem Schneerson...to see the chaos inside CH is heartbreaking. It was the portal open for yidden searching to return. Despite alot of hypocrisy, lies, individual corruption and ego games, it remained a community and sanctuary. Perhaps Wolfe is right...you can't go home again.