Thank you all who read and post here, its gratifying and appreciated.
I think they randomly assigned me to actual medicine because a number of things have changed; The uncontrolled weeping stopped, like a boulder of black clouds lifted. Before I get too excited, just being careful and watchful that its medication and not anticipation. But my sleep has changed as well, its deep and restful. Seems previous AD had lost its effectiveness-it was given to me to quit smoking but worked as an antidepressant for 6 yrs. By the time I was weaned off and put on study med, looking back I realize how under medicated I was. Seeing the difference in my outlook, mood and ability to function, I dont ever want to hear from anyone, and I do, about the sins of dispensing mood drugs to people with emotional/mental illness. The only 'sin' is the years spent trying to find the right med to fit people who suffer needlessly and lose hope of ever feeling human.
I can't take my sleep meds now and stay up for another 3 hrs (my dirty secret) because the celexa is taken at night with them, so within an hour I'm out cold. I woke around 5am 2 days ago, a large furry Mr. B was walking on my chest sniffing my face looking for signs of breakfast. I saw the lamp was still on, my glasses had fallen down and my book was open where I left off reading. It feels like I'm sleeping for all the years I got up at 5am to leave for work at 6 to arrive by 7:30, all to get a seat on the train so I didnt have to stand for 45 min.
What I wanted to note here was something I wrote something about not being able to understand people who hoard yet have good homes, spouses, furniture, everything material to make a comfortable good life and they f8kuc it up by buying and buying and never using stuff until their residence is in shambles, unliveable, filthy, sometimes condemned & alienated family members. I'm not judging, I just dont get hoarding.
A woman following this blog once commented "a person can hoard feelings that can be just as destructive-" indeed, its time to clean The House.
I was asked to bring a family member to my 3rd session. One daughter is suitable but I dont want this to be a burden in any way on my children, so altho I invited her I dont want this to be "we have to take care of Mom because she's losin it or lost it"-this is my work to do, they've all been through alot and dont need to take this on, so while I want to cooperate, I remain concerned about family involvement.
I think they randomly assigned me to actual medicine because a number of things have changed; The uncontrolled weeping stopped, like a boulder of black clouds lifted. Before I get too excited, just being careful and watchful that its medication and not anticipation. But my sleep has changed as well, its deep and restful. Seems previous AD had lost its effectiveness-it was given to me to quit smoking but worked as an antidepressant for 6 yrs. By the time I was weaned off and put on study med, looking back I realize how under medicated I was. Seeing the difference in my outlook, mood and ability to function, I dont ever want to hear from anyone, and I do, about the sins of dispensing mood drugs to people with emotional/mental illness. The only 'sin' is the years spent trying to find the right med to fit people who suffer needlessly and lose hope of ever feeling human.
I can't take my sleep meds now and stay up for another 3 hrs (my dirty secret) because the celexa is taken at night with them, so within an hour I'm out cold. I woke around 5am 2 days ago, a large furry Mr. B was walking on my chest sniffing my face looking for signs of breakfast. I saw the lamp was still on, my glasses had fallen down and my book was open where I left off reading. It feels like I'm sleeping for all the years I got up at 5am to leave for work at 6 to arrive by 7:30, all to get a seat on the train so I didnt have to stand for 45 min.
What I wanted to note here was something I wrote something about not being able to understand people who hoard yet have good homes, spouses, furniture, everything material to make a comfortable good life and they f8kuc it up by buying and buying and never using stuff until their residence is in shambles, unliveable, filthy, sometimes condemned & alienated family members. I'm not judging, I just dont get hoarding.
A woman following this blog once commented "a person can hoard feelings that can be just as destructive-" indeed, its time to clean The House.
I was asked to bring a family member to my 3rd session. One daughter is suitable but I dont want this to be a burden in any way on my children, so altho I invited her I dont want this to be "we have to take care of Mom because she's losin it or lost it"-this is my work to do, they've all been through alot and dont need to take this on, so while I want to cooperate, I remain concerned about family involvement.
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