One might think that living in a frozen zone the brain would shut up, but thoughts continue to pile up for sorting out. A second radiant heater in the main room has helped alot, at least it can be turned on like a tiny fireplace, totally silent and so warming to be near. I've decided that to move somewhere else is not an option for now at least. Too many other practical concerns to deal with; that I have shelter that is accessible to shop and doctors and a bus line 3 steps away is not something to dismiss because of cold. I'm also not strong enough to pack up, look for another apt and move, unpack again and learn new territory again. This might be a 'starter' apartment, I'm a little tired.
Hope to buy a rug for front room before the cold becomes worse, that might ease the chill I hope.
Something is brewing with me and relationship with therapist with complicated grief study. I find myself disliking/distrusting him simply for being male. This was not my initial reaction at all, I think its rising out of the 'blue bra' incident in Egypt and the general dismissiveness of certain males in my immediate family. While its displaced emotion, its distracting. I've made notes but we're on a 2 week hiatus and he has no idea about this issue.
I had mammogram done a few weeks ago that PC declared to be 'within normal range' just as I received a letter from mammogram office requesting that I please return to have another one done, something was questionable. I have a 2nd mammogram done and get escorted directly to ultrasound for further inspection. Cysts...come back in 6 months, please check in with high risk program for counseling and to see whether a long term program is suggested in terms of treatment, diet etc. No point in draining, they only fill again, say doctors here.
How fast can body parts fall apart? What happened to all those vitamins my mother stuffed into us as kids? Those mornings of having to gag on A/D fish oil capsules.
Its not as though I wasn't expecting this considering my parents or the wrath of G-d come to roost, so a quiet chuckle at the pace of disintegration is just that, private except for here where the walls alone have ears. Bless you if you hear any of these thoughts. But these issues are playing a primary role in not moving, just doesnt make sense when I have so much going on medically.
Actually, found out that since the shingles issue has been chronic for over a decade and left untreated-through no fault of mine, not until recently did I put it together and realize its a weeks long body process and pushed for medical assistance-but its actually developed into post herpetic neuralgia now and so the symptoms are more severe and different. But no vaccine is effective the literature writes for those who have already had Shingles although anti viral meds are effective to ease symptoms if taken early enough.
Had birthday dinner for oldest son. Fascinating how my adult children come, sit down to have a meal and often talk as if I'm not in the room. I realize alot of that is my fault since for decades I was NOT in the room, but I detect some intent in this now as conversations will regress to childish code language or mention of relationships I know nothing about, that havent been shared with me. While I write about it here to note it, its not my loss anymore, I hope everyone can look back and see they passed up a chance to mend fences, heal and move on. As for me, not really well enough to fight that fight anymore, it is what it will be.
Hope to buy a rug for front room before the cold becomes worse, that might ease the chill I hope.
Something is brewing with me and relationship with therapist with complicated grief study. I find myself disliking/distrusting him simply for being male. This was not my initial reaction at all, I think its rising out of the 'blue bra' incident in Egypt and the general dismissiveness of certain males in my immediate family. While its displaced emotion, its distracting. I've made notes but we're on a 2 week hiatus and he has no idea about this issue.
I had mammogram done a few weeks ago that PC declared to be 'within normal range' just as I received a letter from mammogram office requesting that I please return to have another one done, something was questionable. I have a 2nd mammogram done and get escorted directly to ultrasound for further inspection. Cysts...come back in 6 months, please check in with high risk program for counseling and to see whether a long term program is suggested in terms of treatment, diet etc. No point in draining, they only fill again, say doctors here.
How fast can body parts fall apart? What happened to all those vitamins my mother stuffed into us as kids? Those mornings of having to gag on A/D fish oil capsules.
Its not as though I wasn't expecting this considering my parents or the wrath of G-d come to roost, so a quiet chuckle at the pace of disintegration is just that, private except for here where the walls alone have ears. Bless you if you hear any of these thoughts. But these issues are playing a primary role in not moving, just doesnt make sense when I have so much going on medically.
Actually, found out that since the shingles issue has been chronic for over a decade and left untreated-through no fault of mine, not until recently did I put it together and realize its a weeks long body process and pushed for medical assistance-but its actually developed into post herpetic neuralgia now and so the symptoms are more severe and different. But no vaccine is effective the literature writes for those who have already had Shingles although anti viral meds are effective to ease symptoms if taken early enough.
Had birthday dinner for oldest son. Fascinating how my adult children come, sit down to have a meal and often talk as if I'm not in the room. I realize alot of that is my fault since for decades I was NOT in the room, but I detect some intent in this now as conversations will regress to childish code language or mention of relationships I know nothing about, that havent been shared with me. While I write about it here to note it, its not my loss anymore, I hope everyone can look back and see they passed up a chance to mend fences, heal and move on. As for me, not really well enough to fight that fight anymore, it is what it will be.
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