Poem, very bad shabbos

Submitted one poem to The Forward poetry contest commemorating the 100th anniversary of the Triangle Factory fire in NYC. Since submissions are held under 3yr copyright according to Forward contest rules, no can say nothing until a decision is made. If not published by them might post it here.

This is what depression can do...a choke-hold so thick and numbing I cant even go through decades of work, edit and put together a collection. And then a project like this comes by, its like a shot of adrenaline. Having time to do it certainly isnt the issue now. Anyone can do an eBook now, so I'm out of pathetic excuses.

I'm doing alot of self sabotaging-there's an element of terror of the unknown about moving and resettling in a new place. I dont feel genuine welcome elsewhere, suddenly my side of the fence doesnt seem so horrendous. Expensive, but at least a known horrendous is better than one unknown. The big issue for me now is what to do about health insurance until 2012.

Jamie Lee Curtis is weird, gives me the creeps with her anal controlling smile and organizational skills. Activia got sued, so now she's showing up in 'gyms' telling everyone that eating activia makes folks feel better, and when you 'feel better' you'll get out there and do more! Be more! A bottle of kefir is cheaper and 100x better.

oh yeah...shabbos...these short friday's are great in one way and freaky in that everything is going on, the garbage cant go out at 4:15, I left the bedroom lights on, I left way too many lights on in a tiny apt, so it was turn off something or no one would have slept last night. Shabbos meal was warmed up chicken soup that I couldnt eat and then had a craving for oatmeal at 11pm. 2nd time in 2 weeks this happened. I could understand craving chocolate, its oatmeal and I dump in fresh cranberries. Works better than activia.

But shabbos morning managed to daven shachris, read shabbos book of tehillim and parsha. I think after constantly promising Hashem there will be only increased positive movement and then finding myself in these flip flop situations is not very pleasing...considering all the positives He's
made in my life this past year and going forward.

Was craving scallion pancakes motzei shabbos and then wondered if there's a direct correlation during upsurge of societal depression levels and increased sales of cheap chinese take out?

We're supposed to live in the Now, I spend too much time in the What Might Happen zone, which is paralyzing.

Need to sleep...