Riddle dee dee...

Said Squirrel Nutkin as he jigged a dance in front of the inscrutable Mr. Owl who peered at him with half closed eyes.

So that has nothing to do with anything except it came to mind as I got home today. The day began with dropping things are home, usually a forerunner of things to come and I thought, its going to be one of THOSE days and I certainly wasn't disappointed. Sometimes I wonder if G-d has someone who works on these types of days for him, someone assigned specifically to toss the raw egg out from between your fingertips or jerk the cane to the floor as you juggle packages and cannot bend easily...oh yes, its all self driven. Karma...think pink and you'll bring rosy vibes into your life.

I went out trying to get important stuff done before the next load of snow hits later this week. Had a script sitting waiting for pickup so I could have a spine MRI done, got that and asked if nurse or tech could please do the required demo for an injectable med that we've been waiting for MONTHS to receive from speciality mail order pharmacy. Such a person is not in office today, here's her number call her on Tues. Take MRI script to radiology and holding myself from begging due to p.a.i.n ask if there's anyway possible the MRI could be done today, I'll sit and wait as long as necessary..huh??? They're booked until closing at 10:30pm. What's another week...I'm chewing pain meds anyway its so bad now.

OKay, so the primary reasons for going out in 5 degree weather are shot down...is there anything that can be accomplished within the small radius I can walk while I'm outside? Pet store! Trying to get cats to leave furniture alone, I buy a scratching post. They've shredded 2 chairs and are now working on the mattress I sleep on.

On the way to subway by the farmers market, I stop to buy a baguette and a homeless gentleman plants himself in front of me as I juggle 2 bags, a cane and fish for my wallet. Knowing me and how the day's gone so far, my attention is fully on one thing only at a time-so he turns away pissed because I dont respond to him immediately. Once the baguette is paid for and my change is being turned over, I ask for a large cookie and pull out a dollar bill to go with the cookie and walk over to him.

His back to the wind, he trying to light a small cigarette butt but the matchbook looks even shabbier than he does when he turns around to face me. He is amazingly filthy, only the cold prevents any odor hitting me standing less than half foot away from him. I hand him the cookie, he doesnt even look at it and crams it into one of his many pockets, then I give him the dollar. He says, "I havent eaten in 6 days, ya got a ten on ya?"

The world is in a very strange place...I do recall learning in Chabad that even when giving tzaddakah you should strive to give a person what he is accustomed to having in his life. You wouldnt give stale bread or pennies to someone who once ate fresh meat, soft bread and wine. However maybe I missed the dictum on how someone who receives charity is to respond or behave upon receipt. Since I've been on both sides of this difficult position in life, I found it shameful to need and receive while being so deeply grateful whether it was for me alone or for me and family. As for giving, if I have it, you can have some too.

The only time I've drawn the line is for the ubiquitous quartets strumming guitars and maracas in the subway. If you come here illegally, have multiple babies you cant support just to ensure you'll never be forced to return home, you dont need my help, you're more naive than Squirrel Nutkin thinking he can rhyme and dance forever and Mr. Owl will just silently stand there like the fool he appears to be.

As Eliyahu ha Navi and ex husbands taught me, appearances can be very deceiving.