belated Motherhood

One child, forgive me my children are adults but I'm stuck in a time warp...a son called while I was still asleep in the morning to ask if I might cosign on a lease, he needs to move. One daughter showed up in the afternoon, spontaneously after work. She put out the garbage and always snaps at me when I bend down to pick something up. Checking up on me she called it, but she talked alot about work, job interviews, a friend whom she felt close to and was hurt by the person. And even though they are adults and don't want advice there is still a quality reserved even in the worst familial situation where a child can return to ask its mother...what to do, how to do...can you help. And a mother, if she has any maternal blood left in her cells, no matter where she was or what she did, lives for these moments...to suddenly become visible in the eyes of the most important people in your life, the ones you gave birth too and love more than anything. It may not be a love that is measureable every day in ordinary ways, but it is love. My daughter mentioned a concern about possible homelessness because of what her generation is going to experience economically as we watch the global community retract in both spending and investments. They never got to a point of working for any person or company that vested into a pension for them and social security is questionable, even for me long term, and it is all I have. Private pension runs out at age 65. I told her as long as I am alive the words 'homeless' is not in her vocabulary, she will have a roof over her head and food to eat. And that goes for all of them, there are 2 rooms, we can move furniture or disccard all these books/cases and buy Israeli style mattresses that are stored by day and slept on by night. Nothing is impossible if you love someone and they are willing to fight for their lives. Fight rather than whine. I can help and provide sanctuary now that I live here, but I cannot fight their fights, that is what Life is and its their turn to battle it out. There is a part of my heart that wishes for a grandchild and a larger part that looks around at the mess and I think why bring a life into this suffering? Bootee was floppy and figeting by the porch door this evening and we didnt see Ms Puss after she was abandonded yesterday. There is another male cat who is vicious with her, I think its her housemate and the fight is over food because this is not far from our window and startd only lately. But she was there on the 3rd step relaxing after the rain, waiting and hoping. Bootee ran after me in the kitchen, mewing as if telling me to get her food and toddling in front of me on the way back to present it to her. Mr. B had already stepped up and Puss had backed down to the bottom, a staring contest between them as he growls and she bares her teeth while frowning. She was so hungry she was going in circles as I tried to find a safe dry spot where no one would disturb her, tenants were starting to come home from work, driving up quickly and pulling into their spaces, her attention is diverted by noise and feeling unsafe. So she ate in a clearing I made near where they blue jay is buried, its under the house, I raked it clear of stones and bricks and it seems to stay dry and cool. Its only good for summer. When I saw her today, really I had to hold myself from picking her up and crying into her chest I was so happy she came back. When my youngest daughter was here yesterday and saw her, she said immediately, She looks like Piddy! The cat I cared for for 19 years, she died of cancer. Same calico colors of black grey, orange and so thin. These cats if you shave off all the fluff, you find 1.5 to 2lbs of cat left. But I wantd to just pick her up and hold her, take her inside. I'm truly afriad of the impact on Mr. B if I bring her in. He mopes now when I feed her, he watches, goes down the steps to see where the food is, checks to see if his food has been touched and then stands guard on the stop step to be sure Puss knows whose house this is. But if its necessary, she will come in, as the bird came in. BideaWee is offering a blind kitten (tuxedo) if anyone would adopt it.