Money

Do you think about it alot? Suze Orman was on TV last night telling one caller after another they MAY NOT buy some luxury item they felt they needed or wanted.

These are people with 2-3 cars, at least one home, 2-3 children, some in college, some about to go into college, mortgages, credit card debt, average savings was $250,000-$540,000, plus liquid savings of $30,000+, some with investments or pensions, some had rental property incomes, but they all had what seemed to me like loads of money. Money I couldnt wrap my brain around, because there is clearly something wrong if I cannot even understand how people who seem to be average citizens, accumulate these amounts of money.

People with monthly incomes of $7,000- $15,000. After taxes.

What kind of work do you have to do to earn $15,000 a month?

I listened as these rich people were turned down one after another by Ms. Orman who lectured them about how much they need to retire,what their future expenses would likely be if their mortages are not paid off or the college loans are not paid. And no, you can't retired at age 60, you shouldn't stop working until age 67.

I came to realize how, over many decades of intense poverty and being dependent on either religious charity while married or government charity when we took food stamps when my father retired or the 25 years I worked at  a college that fought union organization and paid criminal wages, with work hours at their discretion and demand. I kept adjusting internally to want less, next to nothing, to second hand or thrift, to never imaging what having a real home might be...and all these people who hoard. Dont get me going.

People who not only have homes, inherited homes without mortages from family where they collect, gather and cram 'stuff' into perfectly lovely living spaces meant for families, not 2 rooms meant for short term living or where people live who have no hope of ever getting out, moving up. Where do these sick individuals get money to collect things and destroy their families and homes? Thousands of dollars thrown to the wind.

I dont think since my father was dying in those last 5 years that he stopped working and we knew things are slipping away financially, I dont think I've ever stopped worrying where the next penny would come from, whether there would be a roof, a meal, someplace safe.

The terror of poverty kept me working  in a bad employment situation, not only because child support was my responsiblity to pay, but I could never seem to make enough to get out of a hole filled with bills. And yet, like so many things that have only become clear in the last year or so, I realize I am poor.

I thought having almost $90K in a pension would carry me through.  But $10,000 lost in '08 and its bleeding out now as well, plus monies to move and get settled in a new state. I don't have $30,000 liquid assests Ms. Orman insists everyone must have incase of emergency.

I was on Drudge and noticed a foreboding ad about the future, I go to read that we need to prepare ourselves, not only physically, spiritually but financially. The writer who went on and on said be prepared because the government will be of no use to anyone, they will save only themselves, its up to everyone to be ready for survival themselves. Have food, water, medicines- and although he didnt say it- ammunition, for 6 months. There may not be electricity, gas. There may be roaming gangs, thieves breaking and taking what they want.  And your stock portfolio will be worth nothing because in 2013 the coming crash will rival the Great Depresion and we're so in debt there's no one to go anymore. So the only safe investments are certain 'always' stocks or gold, silver. Always stocks are GE, Proctor & Gamble and others.

If the dollar is worthless at that point because we've printed so much it means so little, I dont get what having gold bars or coins will get you. Do you trade gold for food and water?

Aside from my small brain not being able to deal with money matters, I've begun looking at my expenditures each month because I can't dip into my shrinking pension anymore.

Maybe this, in part, explains the romance of retro style and the 1950s. Life still held possibilities, room to grow, you could still wrap your brain around purchasing a home and not be so afraid. It was a pack of lies in the '50s and it's all lies today. Poverty is the worst disease, without money medical care remains out of reach, hunger becomes your companion, friends and colleagues shun you because you cant participate in hanging out or lunching out or bar hopping...and all the bills that come with being alive, rent, utilities, taxes continue to mount and unless they're paid, you're on the street.

I have no debts, no mortgages, no credit card bills, no home, no car, no liquidity.

It's like being invisible.